A Childless Christmas

A Childless Christmas

Its 1pm here on the east coast.  My husband and dogs are taking a Christmas nap.  We already did breakfast and mimosas, and gifts.  The dogs got treats... we got gifts periodically from family over the past week and opened them as they came.  So no gifts today, no waking up early for Santa   We woke up and went to a friends to feed and let out their dog.  Then we came home and did cinnamon rolls out of a can and mimosas cause there is no one to impress with a big fancy breakfast.  We watched a Christmas movie and now its downtime before we go to work and go see a movie.   Rich and I didn't do presents this year, I think its because our spring vacation on a cruise is considered our gifts to each other.  Although I am reminded of a gift I got 2 years ago, a Tiffany necklace with a beautiful note saying "one more year closer to having a baby".   I cried.  No gifts this year, no tears, just a restful peaceful day... and one more year closer to having Christmas with our own child.

Another One Bites the Dust.

Another One Bites the Dust.

I had one of my major migraines this weekend... complete with all night puking and a migraine hangover the next day.  Needless to say it wasnt a very fun weekend at all.   Usually I can catch these during the day head them off at the pass with meds, water, food and a laydown.  I know the triggers too.  So what was up with this one? I have no idea, I went to bed Saturday night, and woke up in the middle of the night full blown migraine.  When they are full blown its hard to stop because I cant keep any of the meds down. So it was a very long night.  Rich asked why did this one happen... i have no clue, none of my usually signs were there and I didnt have any triggers like lack of sleep, day in the sun, poor food intake, long exercise, or anything.  So then in the we hours this morning while my dog was begging for food I thought... hey maybe i should take a pregnancy test.   So after I got up and got ready I took it.


Big fat negative.  Migraine was just a migraine, no pregnancy.  Back to work.

Black Friday = New Meaning

Black Friday = New Meaning

Today was one of those long standing Holiday traditions I participated in... shopping on Black Friday.  My mom and I used to go every year, mostly at 5 or 6 am and be done and back by the time the other kids woke up.  Living so far away for so long I have smoothed out my shopping experience to start well after the sun has risen and only hit a few stores with a short list so my husband doesn't go down in flames of holiday cheer. This year I had a plan,

Pre-shopping: Bank, McDonalds, Starbucks

Shopping: Kohls first because their power hour ends first,

Ulta, Old Navy and finally Barnes and Noble.

My day started out with me waking up before the alarm as if it were Christmas morning and I was too excited to sleep in.  I got up quietly and started to get ready, then I aroused the beast just before I was ready to leave.  We did the pre shopping list without a hitch.  I did not properly convey my list to Rich so we had a kerfuffle about where we were going.. but thats ok, I recited my strategy so he was fully on board and we turned on the Christmas radio station.

Kohls.. in and out in under 2 hours plus $30 Kohls cash

Ulta: eyebrows fully waxed and a gift for Kara.

Old Navy 10min trip to buy me some jeans.

Barnes and Noble...... ugh

By this time I was hungry again, super hot because of the crowds and the stores having heaters on even though it was 70 outside.  I came to get my now pregnant sister the books she needs "what to expect" box set.  Yes it comes in a box set now... the whole 9 months of pregnancy and 1st year of your babies life layed out in one box.   Rich ran to the CD section to get his parents something, which he did not find,  I grabbed the box set and continued to peruse for something else for Kara. We get in the check out line in under 20min.  Im hot, cranky, hungry and shaky from that starbucks earlier that morning..... and I don't see it coming.  We go up to check out and a middle age lady grabs the box set.. looks up and smiles at rich and exclaims... YOU MUST BE EXPECTING!

My heart drops, I back up and look down and say...

No its my sister

Rich kindly says "if only it were us"  

$32 later we are in the car on the way to eat my feelings.

Thanks black friday. 

What Not to Say or Ask Part 1

What Not to Say or Ask Part 1

After spending the weekend defending choices, dodging questions and just plain being dumbfounded... I realized that maybe I should write something about it.   I will just say that we had some family members visit, and they have some major misconceptions and fears about adoption that lead to awkward questions and me feeling like punching a wall.  So here is a list of things that were asked and commented on... in part 2 will be a list of things that I am anticipating to be asked or commented on.

1. Telling me an adoption horror story of how you know someone who adopted and their child was possessed. 
    Many things wrong with this one.  First when someone tells you they are pregnant you usually say congratulations and not tell them a horror story of birth.  You also wish them a happy healthy pregnancy and baby, not tell them how you know someone who gave birth to a one armed child.  When you come upon someone who has told you they are adopting, appropriate comments in this situation would be... congratulations, you must be so excited and so on.   Horror stories just reveal you to be uneducated about adoption or worse show that you think adopted children are 2nd rate.   Also as a side note, I do not believe in possession and feel that if our child had such a problem I would go to a medical professional and have my child treated weather adopted or not.

2. Asking how I am going to treat my adopted child if they end up having an affliction such as autism or aspergers.
     Also many things wrong with this question.  First off under the surface are you asking if I can return my child?  No, adoption is permanent   Second, are you assuming that all children who are adopted have problems?  No, there is the same distribution of "problems" in adopted children as biological children, we are expecting a happy healthy child just as anyone else would.  Third, are you actually asking if I am going to love my adopted child differently than a biological child?  This one is an over the top hidden fear and the answer is unequivocally NO.  I know I have the capacity to fall in love with a child at the drop of a hat, no matter where that child came from.  I know with every part of my whole being that I want to be a mom and it doesn't matter if I give birth or not, Love is Love.  Love is easy, especially when a child is involved, who couldn't love a newborn all wrapped up in your arms, no matter what color they are or if they have a medical condition.

3. Asking several different ways about our future child's race.   We have stated before that we will be going through and adoption route that leads us to a child with an african american background either partial or full because we feel this is right for us.  You continuing to ask about "what if they find one that looks like you"  "dont white babies need to be adopted"  is showing your distrust in us and our research as well as your obvious preference of not-african american children over african american ones.   We have never wavered on this point, please accept that we will be having a very diverse family.  You are making me nervous about your racist standings. 

4. Saying things like "oh dont worry you might get pregnant you just never know" and "once you adopt you will get pregnant right away" and "im still hoping/praying for a pregnancy for you.   This is probably one of my most hated type of comments.   I have beard my soul to you and told you that yes we are trying to get pregnant but all of the signs point to no... so we are spending lots of time and effort on this adoption thing.  Your off hand comments about "miracle or magical pregnancies" do not make me feel better.... in fact they make me feel like you were not listening at all.   I can see with this one you mean well, but I really dont have a "nice" retort for it.  So let me just say that these kind of comments dont feel good... they make me feel like you think adoption is second rate, that somehow a biological child is preferred and that you are wishing for me to go through risky procedures and thousands of dollars of fertility treatments so I can have a kid with some of my genetics.  Adoption is not a second best option for us, it is a way that we have chosen to grow our family and I am very fortunate that I am in the position to be able to do it.   So when I talk about adoption with you, talk about adoption with me, dont just revert back to some magical pregnancy you are praying for... cause its probably not going to happen.  A better choice of comment is "oh thats wonderful, you will be a great mom"

5. Saying things like "thats a great thing you are doing"  "that baby will be so lucky".  Here is what I feel like saying in a very sarcastic tone back at you... " Yes you are right we are saints, I am such a good person".  Not all adoptions come out of poverty. And actually, adoptive parents usually feel they are the lucky ones. We are not adopting because we want to provide an opportunity for someone for a better life. We are adopting because we want to make a family, just like other people.

Baby Name of the Month: October

Baby Name of the Month: October

This months name is probably out there for some people... but man I love this name and maybe after you read this you will like it too and not find it so weird.   (ps, sorry for the very late post, October was quite a month around our household and i really just didnt have much time to blog)
This months GIRL name is    

October 


Ok Ok Ok.. before you wrinkle your nose at this name hear me out.  There are many people named April, May and June... Janurary Jones is now a popular actress and now the name January, so why not the other months of the year?

October means "eighth month", as it was originally the eighth month on the ancient Roman calendar.

October happens to be my favorite month of the year, I love everything that October brings. I love fall weather, pumpkin goodies, Halloween is my favorite holiday   So this name summons up an image of fall and beauty and the best time of the year for me.

As far as people with this name  Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida chose October for their daughter.  They are a writing couple who did the movie Away We Go (very funny movie, see it).  There is a historic figure named Thursday October Christian who was the son of a british naval leader, he also named his son Thursday October.

Honestly I think October is my 2nd favorite girl name right now, I love her.

Anxiety

Anxiety

So for my whole life I have had anxiety dreams about school.  They have sort of changed over the years as I moved from high school, to college and on to PhD, but are mostly the same story line...  a person comes from a previous school and tells me I didn't finish said school and all of my accomplishments and degrees are now null and void and I have to start over again. I am then late to said school and cant find my way and am doomed to flunk out and live on the street. This usually happens before the first day of school, exams, when big assignments are due ect.

This is the first time I have ever had an anxiety dream not relating to school.  So do we call this a turning point, a breaking point, a growing up point, or a point in which I need to go to the loony bin?  No one knows.  Ha.

Here's the dream that I had.
 I was having pains and went to the ER, turns out I was one of those people who were "pregnant and didnt know it", like the show.  Then I had a baby and was freaked out that they were sending me home and it was twins.  When we got home everyone was coming over and congratulating us, but I was so freaked out that we had nothing.  I was holding the kids telling people to go buy some formula and diapers and crying in the corner.  Some people went to the store and came back with useless things like a rocking horse and I was freaking out.  No one knew that we needed certain stuff for a baby and I felt so unprepared.

So what did I do when I woke up and went to work?  I updated my amazon baby wishlist.  Now I am more prepared and no baby anxiety dreams lately.. but an awesome amazon wish list which you can now view HERE.

Baby Name of the Month: Caspian

Baby Name of the Month: Caspian

Its that time of the month again.. and no I dont mean aunt flo... unfortunately there is none of that going on.. its Baby Name of the Month.  This month is boys month so our name is

Caspian 

Remember my first boys name post was Sebastian?   Well Caspian has the same feel, but is way less popular, which I absolutely love. In fact it has never been on the US top 1000 list, but still seems so familiar.  I think Caspian sounds as romantic as Romeo, but with less drama, if that makes any sense.

Caspian is a place name.. The Caspian Sea  is the largest enclosed inland body of water on Earth by area. It boarders Russia, Kazakstan, Iran and a few other middle east countries.  Because it is a Lake/Sea it can also be described as a Nature name.

Probably the most recognizable Caspian is Prince Caspian from the Cronicles of Narnia.  His story is that he is the rightful ruler of Narnia and the children aid in restoring him through adventure in Narnia.  I would say that Rich has more of a connection to this book than I do.. He read the series as a kid and love the fantasticness about it.. I however did not read them til I was an adult and found the books to be sexist.

  I would say that is nice to have a literary name, and this is a cherished series for many children.  I do love the name and that it is not that popular, but is recognizable for its likeness to Sebastian. It does seem to provoke romance and adventure all in one name.. I would just hope he would never be Cas or Cash.

I hate her Uterus

I hate her Uterus

More pregnancy announcements this week... this is totally how I feel.

False Alarm

False Alarm

Remember when I thought I might have ovulated? Soon after that post my temp went down.. and not just slightly down, I mean plummeted.  So no ovulation. Here is my crappy chart.

So now we are back to watching temps bob up and down again.

PCOS: 1  Me : 0

Baby Email

Baby Email

So.. our top 3 baby names now have Gmail addresses.  Yah that's right our babies have yet to even be conceived or have adoption paperwork started.. but they now have their own personal email.  Here is how this happened.

This morning I woke up to many pictures on my facebook for the first day of school.. and it reminded me that Rich and I forgot to wish our little friend Brady to have a happy first day at Kindergarten even though we saw him last night.  A quick message to his mom, my new bff,.. and she told me I could email him.  His email was his first and last name at gmail.com just like rich and I.  This reminded me of this article, where parents are nailing down their babies gmails to make sure no one takes them.  I wrote Brady his happy email.  I then talked to Rich at lunch about signing our top baby names up for a gmail.  He thought it was a good idea.  Why you may ask?

Well gmail/ google accounts seem to be the dominant internet identities and doesn't seem to be dying down.. doesn't mean it wont, but if it is going to be the main use of personal email for a while, it might be nice to have your own name without any numbers or extra symbols.  So thats what we did... we signed up our top 3 baby names for gmail accounts... 2girls, 1 boy.    Our #1 name even has their first email from daddy which was really sweet. I almost have their baby name letter done and will probably send it to them.

Baby name letter you say?  This is a letter that I wrote to them to put in their baby book about where their name comes from and why they are named that... yah, I have a thing for names if you cant tell.

Anyway.. we have google accounts for 3 possible babies.  But as a disclaimer I will say we wont be having more than 2 kids.. just wanted to make sure our top name options were nailed down in the internet world.

6

6

When a "friend" my age on facebook announces their 6th child is a boy .. complete with ultrasound pictures
I need this button

Really do we all need to see the ultrasounds and say congrats.. its your 6th damn child.. get over it and use a condom.

Possible Ovulation

Possible Ovulation

Here is my temperature chart.  Sustained higher temperatures represent ovulation (marked by red dotted lines).  This is the first time I have had my temps "spike" so maybe I ovulated.  It is a little to early to say as they might just go down, but we will see.

I also included a "normal" chart to show what it should look like during ovulation.  Ovulation has a temp dip then spike along with egg white cervical mucus only 3 days before ovulation... of course pcos gives you very erratic temps and cervical mucus so it is hard to predict.. but im mostly charting so i can show the doctor how anovulatory I am.

My Chart

Normal Chart

See the above normal chart.  Menses marked in pink is when your temp is low.. then when fertile cm shows up (in green) is when your temp really dips.. ovulation is marked by a severe spike in temp and maintains until menses start again.   Looking at my chart.. its just random crap with a possibility of ovulation a few days ago.. So it will either stay up or go back down... up would be good, but I suspect it might just be a false spike as can happen with pcos.. which is actually what creates the cysts.   Your body gets really really really close to ovulating and has a ready egg sack but it never bursts causing lots of almost ready egg sacks and no egg dropping.

 So egg dropping, panty dropping ... who knows.. come back in a few days to find out.

Baby Name of the Month: Piper

Baby Name of the Month: Piper

August's Baby name of the month is

Piper  

I would say that the number one reason I love Piper is her two P's. I dont know why I love P in names.. but I have this very romantic relationship with P... haha

Second Piper is definatly nickname proof.. of course no name is totally nn proof cause you could always call her P or something.. but its as close as you can get to a nn proof name.

Piper was always an obscure name and never cracked the US top 1000 names until 1999, the year after Charmed debuted  and Piper Halliwell was one of the star trio.  Since then she has risen from being ranked at 701 in 1999 to number 110 in 2011.  This is a HUGE jump in the last 12 years going from nonexistant to almost in the top 100.. that is a negative for me.  I wish she were firmly in the 300-500's, but everyone else seems to agree that she is an awesome name.

Another downside to Piper is her -er ending.. it just sounds funny with our last name I think.. which also ends in -er.  I also dont think she fits in with some of our other fave girl names.. which are more whimsical and romantic.

Other fun things about Piper are
-She is a main character in Rich's and my favorite series Heroe's of Olympus
-She has a musical background
-Piper nigrum is black pepper, so she is a spicy name

Over all I love her spice and spunkiness, but think that her popularity and -er ending are major drawbacks.

Pregnancy Test

Pregnancy Test

No period since May.. and the fertility chart said I should test this weekend...  No surprise....
Not Pregnant.

 I was not too surprised because it didnt look like I ovulated, but there is a large temp shift on my chart, but it coincides with me getting a new thermometer, so I was pretty sure that was the reason. Even though I was 99% certain I wasnt, it is still hard to look at that damn pee stick and have it confirm that you are not.. there is always that little light in the back of my mind hoping that just by accident or coincidence that this all works out naturally for us.  Im pretty sure it wont and we will be on the adoption road soon enough.

 Any way.. no eggs dropping, no babies dropping.   Just another childless day in the house.

We did get to go out with our friends who have a 5 year old and a 1 year old to one of those japanese steak houses that does the show in front of you.  It was fun, and I love baby time.. so it turned out to be an ok day.

Not Me

Not Me

Number of people I know who have had a baby in the last 12 months.. 10
Number of people I know expecting a baby right now..  6

The stork sure does seem to be circling my friends.. not me though

Just a waiting game

Just a waiting game

Well I have been off birth control since May 20  ( 70 days)... no period or ovulation. So that means no eggs dropping.. no fertilization to happen.  Not surprising, but I was hopeful things would miraculously work out.

What am I doing now? Waiting. We we are trying to track ovulation with temperature and other gross factors.  By doing this I will have tons of data to show my doctor that I do not actually ovulate.. so we can just skip some of the mumbo jumbo questions about if we are having sex right and what not.

Tentative Dr. appointment is in December.  I just want to have enough data and time to show that we are doing everything we can on our own and that we need to move on to medication.

Anyway, I am using Fertility Friend to track.  Its very user friendly and gives a nice scientific graph, and things. So far so good, just no ovulation.


I turned 28 ten days ago.... so it also feels like the clock is ticking.. do you hear it?  I do.  tick tick tick.

Baby Name of the Month: Jude

Baby Name of the Month: Jude

Baby name of the month for July is

Jude 


Jude, for a boy.. even though Martha Stewart's daughter used this name for her girl.. I say this name is all boy.  Jude is the first boys name Rich and I could ever agree on... it took only about 4 years.

Jude is a one syllable boys name, which I love.. in fact most of the names we now have on our boys side of the list (that we both agree on) are one syllable names. It gives a zippy masculine sound will out being pretentious like Thurston Howell the third. I just really love the sound Jude.. sounds so fun and manly and handsome all at the some time.

As far as popularity goes Jude is ranked number 155 this year.. which is fairly popular.. which annoys me to no end.. in the last 14 years Jude went from being non existent in the top 1000 names to being 155... so I really dont like how common it is becoming... but 155 is not too common like Mason at number 2 this year, so I would be willing to overlook this number.

Jude Law is making the name more main stream, even though it is his middle name... his real name is David Jude Law, do you think he would be as handsome as a David? No I don't think so either.

But I know what you most connect with the name... Hey Jude.. the Beatles song.. and that is probably the second major drawback of this name for me... don't you think our son will be sick of hearing that song or " HEY.. Jude" every time his name is called by the time he is 3?

So what is the first major drawback?  well unfortunately I don't want to say as it will give away our top names on our list... which I wont be sharing until we have a baby in our arms...  So I will simply say it clashes with one of our top baby names.

Overall I love Jude, but dont think I could saddle a boy up with it for 2 reasons.. the song, and the clash ... but I do still like the fact that it was the first boys name we could agree to both like... so he holds a soft spot in my heart.

Rainbows

Rainbows

Another song for baby from daddy

Baby Name of the Month: Calypso

Baby Name of the Month: Calypso

I totally missed the whole month of June.. so you get two baby names this month!

June's baby name is 
Calypso

There are very few girls names that end in -o.. but I happen to think they are awesome, so this name is awesome... not to mention my favorite letter P is in the middle.

Calypso is most notable the sea nymph from the Odessey that traps Odisseus on her island for 7 years.  She is supposed to be extremely beautiful and blessed with the gift of song. She is usually said to be the daughter of Titan Atlas and a "sea nymph", so she is often depicted as a mermaid.  I just love all of these greek myths and think it would be fun to have a child that had a story to their name.

Another calypso that you might think of is calypso music which hails from the Caribbean. Honestly when I think of calypso in music form it reminds me of one of my fave movies Beetlejuice.  In the dinner scene they dance the calypso to Day-O... and man I love that scene.

Problems with Calypso... well I would think that her name would be shortened to Calli almost immediately, and I hate nick names. I dont mind Calli.. but kinda feel like if I wanted her called Calli, then thats what I would name her.   I also don't think Calli has my heart because doesn't carry the p or the o which I love.

 Over all I love Calypso for her whimsical mythology and wonderful sound, but dont like the nick name options.

One more month

One more month

Vintage Birth Control Ad

My last month of birth control started yesterday.  We have originally planned on throwing it away this up coming December and officially starting to try for babies, but I really feel that it is going to be a very long road and have changed my mind.  So it just so happens that there are no more refills left on my bc prescription this month so I decided just to go with the "flow" and not to go to the gyno to get any more after this.  I really just want to see if I can even have a period without bc.  Last time I was off for a year and did not ovulate once.  So we have decided to give it til December, then when I have a gyno appointment I can tell her that I have been off for 6 months and haven't ovulated. Rather than having nothing to say other than we want to start trying.   So we will be using other forms of bc til December and just see how it goes with my cycle.

We picked December as the official "start date" because it is a safe enough distance to finishing our PhD's.   We think we will be done late summer 2013... so if the heavens open up and I get pregnant the first time, we will be done with school by the time baby is ready to be here.  I really dont think this will happen, but we want to give it the old college try before we move onto adoption.

Baby Name of the Month: Neville

Baby Name of the Month: Neville

So it has been a while since my last post... basically because school is busy.  It is that time of the month though.. and I dont mean menstration.. I mean Baby name of the Month.  today's name is








Neville 


Because of a certain book, Neville has a very british old world feel to the name, but it is actually french in origin. 


Ok I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan…. and yes, that is what is most appealing about this name, its associations with a hero coming into his own.


Neville Longbottom sort of bummbles through his first years of school and is somtimes a source of humor.. but he remains loyal and brave.  He comes into his own later in the series and plays a large part in saving the world.  He is truly a chosen one and a young handsome hero.  Which only draws me more to the name. 


As for the name itself, I have a love for brit sounding names and love the uniqueness (not chart topper) yet familiarity of the name. He has never charted in the US top 1000 names even after all the books and movies about him, which makes him even more appealing.  One major thing I love about Neville is that he is nickname proof, as mentioned before, I prefer names that stand alone and dont have any traditional nicknames.  I also think it could be used to honor family in my case… Neva is my grandmother’s name and one of my middle names.. so I think a boy named Neville could be a family link.. so it has a little bit more meaning than just a fantasy book. … 


Overall I love Neville, but is it too much to name a child after a HP character? 

Is there a ribbon for that?

Is there a ribbon for that?

When you see pink ribbons, pink cookware, pink shirts, pink pumpkins...  you automatically think, breast cancer awareness. Do you know that there is a ribbon and a week for infertility awareness?  .. there is.

HAPPY INFERTILITY AWARENESS WEEK.  Find someone who is infertile and give them a hug.  1 in 8 people (not just women, men too) have infertility issues,  ranging in various severity.  Unfortunately it is not a topic of disussion very often.  More often than not people are ashamed of their infertility.  They hide it from family members and friends and go through treatment processes alone.  There is a very deep rooted hurt and issue with not being able to bare children... The infertility awareness week seeks to take away the stigma of infertility and aims to open up the lines of communication.  It is not shameful to be infertile, it is not your fault... but you do probably need and want support.   Here is the official website, go look and become more educated whether you are going through infertility or want to learn how to support someone who is.

Waiting for 1000 years

Waiting for 1000 years

Another song for our baby. The longest and hardest part of the wait for our baby has not even begun yet, but I already feel every part of this song.

School, Racial difference and the like...

School, Racial difference and the like...

Came across this study about how kids view race and racial differences and thought it was really interesting.  I was not at all surprised by the results.  What they concluded though was that kids that went to racially diverse schools had positive outlooks on race, interracial friendships and relationships.  I wont explain it all.. u can watch it for more insight.

I would like to say that this has been a huge topic of discussion in our household as we approach parenthood.  Rich and I have heavily discussed how we want our kids educated.. and we both overwhelmingly believe that racial diversity in public school setting is what we would like for our child.  We came about this idea by comparing our two educations... I went to under privileged very diverse public schools and he went to private schools that were 98% white.   We are both now getting our PhDs.. so you can obviously be successful from either background.  What we found was that I had a much larger grasp on the world around me than he did.  I have close friends in many different races and religions.. he didnt.  In fact he had is first black friend at the age of 27 ( a co-worker).  We both find this to be jaw dropping and realize that we would like our child be fully cultured and respect people of other race and religions. Frankly we live in America.. and when our child grows up and goes into the world it is not full of rich white people.. it is very diverse.  I feel that if the child is willing and the parents are attentive, you can thrive academically at any school.. no need to pay high prices.. but racial diversity and cultural experiences cannot be bought and are a priceless part of building a child's character.   Off my soap box... watch the video

you can see the first part of the series about how parents mold children's idea of race.. also very interesting.. and not surprising.. here

Baby Gifts Finished

Baby Gifts Finished

Here are some pics of the latest baby gifts I made.


Hand stitched Monster Mobile for a friends nursery

A Diaper Cake

Baby Name of the Month: Isadora

Baby Name of the Month: Isadora

So yes, I have a name obsession.. but hey, we all have to have hobbies right? Ready for BNOTM?

Isadora (Iz-ah-dor-ah)

You might think that this name stems from the very popular Isabella... wrong.  Technically Isadora is descended from a greek name form of the meaning "Gift of Isis", Egyptian goddess Isis.  Isis is the ideal mother and wife as well as the patron of nature and magic.    Its pretty much a similar greek root as Theodore "gift of god"


A second namesake is St. Isidora (more common eastern form of the name).. Isidora lived in the Egyptian convent . She veiled her head with an old dishrag and some time was treated with contempt by other nuns. One day, the hermit Saint Pitirim visited the convent after the vision of angel, who had told him to "find an elect vessel full of the grace of God"... "by the crown that shines above her head".The aforesaid crown was reportedly seen above Saint Isidora.... boom she was special and was sainted.


The most known namesake is Isadora Duncan (seen right).  She was a revolutionary american dancer that moved to europe to dance where she hit it big.  Her life was both scandalous and tragic.. marrying young men, affairs, illegitimate children... but she is a ballet legend.


Also, Isadora is one of the main characters in Lemony Snickets books. 


Why I love Isadora?... she is such a lovely romantic name, not popular at all.. in fact has not been on the US charts since 1900. ... downside?  I hate Izzy and dora... if I could guarantee she would never be Izzy or dora I am in...  It is so unpopular of a name, but seems familiar because of all the Isabellas...I also would hate people asking me.. "Isadora.. is that like Isabella?"  


Overall I heart Isadora.

Open Adoption Research

Open Adoption Research

In the last post I showed the news article about current adoption research.  I found the original article, which by the way you should always do.. dont believe the media.  Anyway, Huff Post is a pretty reliable source and correctly represented the research.  In any case the original research article is a good read.  Here it is.. Article 

Open Adoption Gets Some Press

Open Adoption Gets Some Press

I think a lot of people have this stigma about adoption and many "widespread myths and misconceptions about open adoption"  This article reveals that only about 5% of adoptions are the old school "closed" adoption, where there is no contact and hidden records between birth family and adoptive family.  55% is totally open, and 40% are semi-open or facilitated adoptions where there are varying degrees of contact.  Its nice to start seeing articles about current adoption norms in society.  

Read the Huffington Post article here

Hopefully things like this will educate the public about adoption and lower its stigmas.   I am thinking of some family members in particular who brought a photo of an adoptive child and told me..

 "see, they turned out ok and they were adopted"   as if saying..  adoption is not normal and you can end up with damaged kids, but these kids were totally normal, so there is hope for you.

Ideal

Ideal

Baby Name of the Month: West

Baby Name of the Month: West

Are you ready for baby name of the month?  Well too bad, here it is.

West

So this is in the category of "word" names, which are nouns or verbs that are now being given to children. For example, Blue ( you know Jay-z and Beyonce's new baby) is a word name, but so are Ginger, Olive and Lily.West is a very uncommon name, but a recognizable word... so it feels familiar. West has not been ranked in the US top 1000 names, which I really like.

 West is a one syllable name.I love one syllable names for boys,  I feel like they are very manly and debonair.. like Pierce or Clive.

I feel like West evokes a sense of adventure and exploring, very appropriate for a boy.   Most of history people were sailing west to find new land, so it has a very adventurous boy feel to me. Other things that people associate with West are: modern things such as western medicine, sunsets, cowboys, California. This makes West whimsical and manly to me at the same time.

Because it is so close to Wes/ Wesley, I dont think people will think that it is too out there of a name, but he would definitely be unique.  This is also the drawback of the name, I think the T is quite soft in this name and people will assume he is the more common Wes and not West.  I also think that the T blends too much with our last name that sounds like Tray-grrrr... so say it together and you will understand what I mean  West Traygrrr, sounds like Wes Traygrrr, the T gets lost.  So this is the reason it may not be quite at the top of my list, but I still love the name for all of the other above reasons.

Nesting... for someone else's baby

Nesting... for someone else's baby

I am at that age (27) where all of my friends are having babies.. it seem like everywhere I turn there is a damn pregnant lady.  They glow, they talk about names, they talk about boobs, they talk about how difficult pregnancy is, they have 50 facebook posts a day about it.. they plan for the baby room.  Sometimes it can be just so frustrating to know that it is their time to have a baby and not mine, but frankly I like babies way to much to be too bitter yet.

 So one of my friends is having a boy.  She has decided that her baby room theme is going to be little monsters.  The hitch with this is that most things need to be custom made because this is not a common theme.  So she is painting individual monsters for the room, a lady is making the bedding out of the chosen fabric.. and I of course volunteered to make the hand made mobile.  So this weekend I was working on it.. it is going to have 5 custom monsters with 4 stars and a moon.  Here is the inspiration mobile.

Actually, I thrive on this DIY crap.  I have about 30 projects lined up at any given time.  A friends first baby always needs something special.. so this is what I decided to do.  Hand sewing little monsters is quite the time suck.. but I plopped down in front of some trash TV and got to work.

As the night wore on and I was hand stitching on button eyeballs the thought occurred to me, that this is exactly what nesting is.. taking way too much time to make hand made objects a baby doesnt need just to make the room perfect.  Its really for the mother and not the baby.. to prepare her for the babies arrival.  So there I sat and saturday, preparing for someone elses baby, neglecting my list of chores and having fun watching trash TV.  Some day I will be nesting for myself.. and you better believe I expect some freaking hand made items from every one of my friends. 

Her chosen bedding

Couple of my hand made monsters 

The Reveal

The Reveal

I think one of the biggest things I am going to miss about not actually getting pregnant is telling everyone that I am pregnant.  Since I was little I had this amazing idea that I would tell my husband just the way Becky on Full House did.  Do you remember that episode?  She made a baby themed dinner.. with baby shrimp, baby corn and babyback ribs.. silly I know, but hey it was a dream.  Instead, we will have a well thought out plan and about 5 months of paperwork before we are entered into the adoption system.  So technically once the papers are signed, our baby is on the way.. they call this being "paper pregnant", but of course the time of baby's arival is very unknown and could be from 24 hours to 1.5 years.  So I dont think there will ever be a big baby reveal to my husband.

Second.. We wont be having those cute photo shoots where people take professional pictures to send pregnancy announcements out.. and then end with an ultrasound of the little sea monkey.  There will be no grand face book post, no pee stick to save (why people do this one is beyond me), there will be no we are pregnant announcement at all... no glory

Third.. this is a new one, but people are doing those gender reveal parties.  This is where you have all of your friends and family over to tell them if you are having a boy or a girl. A lot of times the parents dont even know.. they get the sex of the baby from the ultrasound tech in an envelope and take it to a baker to make a blue or pink cake covered in white frosting... then in front of your guests you cut the cake and all find out at the same time. Usually they have a poll going to see who can guess correctly and some sort of games.. like if you are craving certain things then you must be having a girl.  I am a sucker for parties and am sad we will miss out on this opportunity..  Love this party idea

I do think that we may do a "paper pregnant" announcement.  When Rich and I finish all the paper work and become activated at the adoption agency.. I think we will send out mailers letting everyone know that we are expecting to be expecting.  This may be as close to the "big announcement" as I can get.  The trouble with doing this is that if we do end up having a long wait.. I forsee many people asking constantly when we are getting a baby and having no answer for them and it just being a painful long conversation.  So there is the downside.  

Just have to keep telling myself that I want to be a mom, and when that happens this stuff will seem insignificant... but its hard to think like that, to me I know I will be missing out on what most people get to do 9 months before baby is born. 

Sarcasm

Sarcasm

Our Baby's song

Our Baby's song

For some reason every time Rich and I here this song it makes us think of our future baby.  He says it will be played on a loop in our nursery.  I love it, this version is so lovely.  He also does a version where it is mixed with What a wonderful world.   It makes me melt when rich talks about our future baby.. actually this happens very often now a days.  He is going to be a wonderful dad.

Enjoy the sounds of this Hawaiian and his ukulele

Traveling Baby

Traveling Baby

So I like to shop... hey what girl doesn't?  I have been baby gear shopping just because.  I really like the new trend of large wheel strollers.  I remember pushing my brother and sisters around in those strollers where the small 4 wheels always went different directions and locked up and it was hard to fold up.. and ugly.  So here is the stroller I really like, it is not a jogger (because it lacks shocks)

Jeep Liberty Sport X stroller

Here are the awesome features that I like 

1. It is orange, which I actually really love orange and we need gender neutral stuff

2. 12in inflatable wheels for grip all types of terrain, this is necessary for the places we would like to live and        

walk the dogs and baby

3. Parent tray with cup holders.. nice bonus

4. Removable child tray with cup holders and toy steering wheel... fun and nice to be removable for trips to the zoo or something where the child wants to lean forward to see

5. One hand folding mechanism.. a must!

6. multi position reclining seat.  this is the one thing all of the reviews seem to dislike, they say it is hard to do when the child is in the stroller, so you have to position it before they get in.. im willing to take this drawback for all of the other positive things

7. grow-with me 5 point harness

8. Larg storage basket and removable cargo bags... they are not kidding when they say large storage basket, I think I can fit both of  our dogs down there and a diaper bag.  Super excited to take it to the mall and fill it up

9. Fits most carseats

10. Price is very reasonable at $150

Car seat..  honestly I chose the stroller first and looked at the car seat compatibility chart.   They support baby trend which is the highest rated carseat.. so we will probably get one of those.

I like this one

Flexloc infant car seat in vanguard. 

Again I like the orange.

here are its features from the website.. but its pretty basic as car seats go, but they are the highest rated

• For weights between 5 and 30 pounds (2.2 and 13.6kg.) heights of 30 inches or less (76.2cm)
• 5-point safety harness; easy one-hand harness adjustment; push-button release
• 4-position push-button height adjustable base with level indicator for proper installation
• Height-adjustable seat back; no harness rethreading
• One-hand easy-access seat release
• EPS energy-absorbing foam for superior side impact head protection
• Smooth carrying handle, won't scratch your arm
• Boot providing extra warmth and comfort
• Flex-Loc refers to the base's flexible (not rigid) latch straps

Adoption Agencies

Adoption Agencies

If you have been keeping up with the adoption posts, you found out that we have decided to do a domestic infant adoption that is semi-open from a national agency.  This post is to profile the two agencies we are considering.  I think in my head I have narrowed it down to just one that I like the best, but we are still a little while out from actually starting the process, so my ideas about it might change. Here are some basic comparisons of each one.

The first agency that we like is called Independent Adoption Center.
The other one is American Adoption Agency.

Here are a list of their comparisons.
                                       IAC                                             AAA
Licensed                         yes                                                  yes
Location of offices     CA, TX, GA, NC, IN                  FL, AR, MO, KS
Type of Adoption:            Open                                         Semi-open
Cost:                              20k-50k                                      ave. 28k for aap*
Wait time:                       6-18months                                 1-9months for aap*
Birth parent counseling      7am-10pm and on holidays          24hours a day 
Number of adoptions/year   200                                          300
type of  profile                individually done                     Standard for whole agency
                                     (make your own website)            (they have a standard
                                                                                            set up for you)

*Agency assisted program (aap) is one that promotes and gives certain incentives for parents that are willing to adopt a child that is full or partial african american

Baby Name of the Month: Briar

Baby Name of the Month: Briar

Happy day after Valentines Day!  Time for another baby name. How about one inspired by a love story.

Briar-  BrY-er

For girls names I am drawn to very frilly and romantic names.  A lot of ruffles and lace for me. I prefer names with a past, maybe literary or mythology.  Briar has been in stories for as long as people have eaten with forks.  Of course here most famous story is Sleeping Beauty.

She is not actually a very frilly name at all, but her literary past links her to one of the most known girly love stories, so this makes her girly to me. Thanks Brothers Grimm!

Briar itself is actually in the "nature" category of names such as Willow or Lilly. A briar is a thorn bush, but the stories have turned her name into a soft beautiful moniker.  I do tend to like nature names as well, but not as much as hippies did.

The down sides to Briar?  Well the number one is that the end of her name is -er sound.. which rhymes with our last name and sounds terrible.. Actually some of my most favorite names end in -er and will never be used because I fell in love with a man with the last name tray-GRRR.   Oh the sacrifices we make for love =)  Ok to be honest it is no sacrifice at all because I love many many more names, in fact my fave girl name of all time doesnt end in -er.

Adoption Blogs

Adoption Blogs

During the process of narrowing down our adoption options, I began to read personal adoption blogs.  These people have put their whole adoption processes on their blog, and they are a wonderful resource to find out what you are getting yourself into.  Here is a list of blogs I read with short descriptions.

Adoption Creates Families  Laurie writes about 4 transracial adoptions their family has done, 2 domestic infant adoptions and 2 foster adoptions.

Always and Forever Family Debbie writes about 1 transracial domestic infant adoption, and is currently a foster to adopt parent...  on the left side of her blog, she has links to a bunch of other adoption blogs as well.

Watershed "A" writes about 1 transracial international adoption from Ethiopia.

Goggy Coffee Billy is Laurie's husband and writes about his adventures as a dad in transracial adoption.

Now, you may be asking yourself.. what is transracial adoption?  It is the adoption of a child that is outside of your families race, therefore it is usually very obvious by sight that the child is adopted.  This brings its own rewards and challenges, and these people address many of those issues in their blogs.

If I had a big family

If I had a big family

Do you know the Duggars?  Of course you do.  They are that TV family with 19 kids (20 if you count the recent).  They intrigue me, and millions of people.  I often think about what I would do if I had that many kids.. 1. be proud of my fertility, 2. be tired all the time, 3. hate laundry more than I do now, 4. never go a month without a sick kid.  The thing I wonder most is, what would I name all of them.  So I decided to name my Duggar family.  I did it in the same order that they had children ( ie boy, twins (boy, girl), girl.. ect.) and included the 20th . I also picked my letter to be P, cause most of my favorite kids names start with P  Here is my list.  If names are on the same line they are twins, and sex is denoted as M or F.  Also, you can look forward to seeing some of these names as Baby Name of the Month.

1. Percy (M)

2,3.  Penelope (F), Phoenix (M)

4. Piper (F)

5. Pearl (F)

6. Persephone (F)

7. Preston (M)

8. Penn (M)

9. Poppy (F)

10, 11. Piers (M) Phineas (M)

12. Peter (M)

13. Pacey (M)

14. Pax (M)

15. Pascal (M)

16. Primrose (F)

17. Pepper (F)

18. Phoebe (F)

19. Posy (F)

20. Pomeline (F)

What would you name your Duggar family?

Just a little giggle

Just a little giggle

Adoption Options

Adoption Options

Previously I have discussed that if we were to do adoption, we would go down the domestic infant route.   After we had made this decision I started looking at our options as far as agencies, lawyers ect.  During my research I came across several ways a Domestic Infant Adoption can be performed.  Here they are:

1. You get an adoption lawyer and advertise independently.  This option is still done, but probably less so because it is the most risky financially.  Have you seen the movie Juno?  This is what they do in the movie.  So here is how it generally works (from what I understand)... You seek out an adoption lawyer, this person specializes in IN STATE adoptions and should know the system very well.  You should ask them how many adoptions they have completed and the length of time from hire to placement it took.  Also ask about all fees up front.  The next step is advertisement.  In Juno, they advertised in the Penny Saver.  The lawyer should have this down, they should know where to register your name and profile at to be open to adoption.  Also you would want to make your own profile website so that when a birthmother is found you can send her to your website.  This option is also good for those couples that are adopting from a family member or a friend of a friend.   The risky part is that your legal fees are upfront and for one adoption only.  So if the adoption falls through you are out that money.

2. Local agency:  I would say that this is the most popular route.  With this option you find an agency located within your county or state, that you can drive to.  These agencies specialize in "in state adoption".  Usually you would apply to the agency and wait to be accepted.  A lot of times they have a cap on how many parents they take a year, but I havent heard too many rejection stories.  You would then go through their process (most agencies are very similar)  and make an adoption profile.  This profile includes lots and lots of information about you, plus about what kind of baby and adoption you would like (see this post about different adoption sitiuations)  then you would wait to bee matched and wait for a baby.  These agencies would most likely do 30 or less adoptions a year, so their wait times very but you are looking about a year or so depending on your area, specifications and lots of other factors, but this is the general idea.

3. National agency:  This is becoming a more popular idea.  These agencies have a central location somewhere in the US.  Again, you apply to the agency You would then go through their process (most agencies are very similar)  and make an adoption profile.  This profile includes lots and lots of information about you, plus about what kind of baby and adoption you would like (see this post about different adoption situations)  then you would wait to bee matched and wait for a baby.  ..  the difference is that you can get a baby from any state.  Thus increasing your chances for a baby by a lot.. and decreasing your wait time.  These agencies do upwards of 300 adoptions a year. Wait times can be 2-18months but usually somewhere in 6 month range, again all depending on what type of adoption you are willing to take, the more open you are the shorter your wait time is. The drawback is that the headquarters are most likely not near you.   So most of contact with the adoption counselor is via phone or skype, but you will have a local social worker that does your homestudy and is very familiar with your state and your agency. Also if the child is outside the state when born, you must travel there and wait a week for interstate travel to be approved by courts.

We have chosen to go with option 3 national agency adoption because we are open to anywhere and like the idea of shorter wait times.

Busy

Busy

This past week I defended my thesis proposal.  It was a big day.  I passed!  So hopefully only 1.5 years til graduation.  Funny thing is that all I could think about was how I am one step closer to being ready for baby. I have another adoption post in the works, but with all of this school stuff it hasnt gotten finished.   So hopefully things will be back on schedule here soon.

Baby Name of the Month

Baby Name of the Month

Its that time of the month again.. Baby name of the month!!!

This month we are looking at a boy's name ( have you noticed I have been trying to go girl-boy-girl-boy)

Percy

(Purr-cee)

Percy is representative of two of my name obsessions.  Names starting with the letter P and mythology names.  Let me tell you, there are few names that start with the letter P that I don't love.. I have  relationship with the letter P, its weird, I know.. but there it is. Secondly I love mythology names, because they all have these awesome stories associated with them.. so lets get back to the name Percy

Percy is usually short for Percival or Perseus.  However I like Percy on its own.

Well do you know who Perseus is? He is a popular hero (son of a Zeus and a human) in greek mythology who killed Medusa.  Now how much more manly of a namesake can you have?  A hero and a slayer.

Other places you can find the name Percy are literary references out of two of my favorite series.  Percy can be seen in two characters in the Harry Potter series.  Percy is a Weasley brother. Percival is also one of Albus Dumbledoors middle names.   Second series would be Percy Jackson seires where the name is the main characters first name.. the books are about kid heros who are the kids of greek gods and they save the world.. its fun, kinda like Harry Potter, but with greek mythology.

While this name is a name that grandfathers have in the UK, it is highly unpopular in the US. In fact Percy, Percival and Perseus have never been in the US top 1000 names.  This makes me happy because he would defiantly be the only boy on the block with this name.   I think it is easy to spell and pronounce, but still is not a too out there name cause it is similar to Casey.

The downside to Percy.. Rich doesnt like the name.  So if I were naming a boy all on my own without the help of a husband, this name would probably be my first choice.

Personal Conversations with Strangers

Personal Conversations with Strangers

On Monday I had the fortune of having the day off, but the misfortune of having about a million errands to run, a house to clean and a sick husband.  I sucked it up, showered, started the laundry train, cleared the kitchen and the fridge for new groceries, made a meal menu and list then headed out to the great blue yonder.  Quick stop at Petsmart, was uneventful. Costco was packed, but I had the fortune of making jokes with my old college roommate via text to pass the time.  Then off to the regular grocery store, cause you cant buy everything in bulk, that would be stupid. Here I thought I was going to be in and out in 30 min and on my way home to unload all food and head out for another round of errands, nothing weird or eventful.  As I stood in the check out line looking at the cover stories of Kim Kardashian and Beyonce the lady in front of me was very obviously pregnant.  The checker lady just had to ask her about it.. things I learned about someone I dont even know.. She is having a boy, it is her 3rd and final child, it will be a scheduled c-section tomorrow, has had c-sections previously and cant imagine doing a vaginal birth, cant wait to get the baby out, husband couldn't leave the tv to do final grocery shopping before major surgery and new baby,  is not looking forward to sleepless nights again, she prefers an obgyn that is across the city because they are "clean" (whatever that means), and she has 20 cents in fuel perks saved on her store card.   Then she leaves.. and its my turn to check out.  The very over personal checker starts asking me questions, so here is how this very awkward conversation went, because I was not about to share as many personal details as the pregnant lady was..

Checker: Oh I miss being pregnant, it was so much fun feeling the baby move and getting to eat whatever I wanted

Me: ( polite smile and nod) Uh Huh

Checker: Have you ever been pregnant?

Me: Nope

Checker: Oh I see you are married, do you not want kids?

Me: yes we do

Checker: Oh, so are you newlyweds? Are you going to start trying for kids soon?

Me: No we have been married for 5 1/2 years (and now im trying to avoid you and your awkward questions by looking for my phone in my purse)

Checker: Oh wow so not newly weds (confusion starting on her face), so are you just waiting for the right time for kids.

Me: ( wishing I didnt do a weeks worth of grocery shopping and had less to check out, because I really want to leave) Um, something like that

Checker: (obviously not getting the hint that i dont want to talk about it) Oh well you shouldn't wait too long because you know it can get harder as you get older. How many kids do you want?

Me: ( furiously fiddling with my phone and pretending not to hear her) Um huh?

Checker: (still not getting the hint) Oh I was just wondering how many kids you want

Me: ( what the hell lady, cant you take a hint and just bag my groceries) "blank stare"

Checker: (finally done with my groceries) Oh did I scan your customer card

Me: Yes

then she gave me the total and I quickly punch in my debit card and got the heck out of dodge.

I didnt want to have a huge infertility discussion with the checker, so I tried to give her the hint to stop asking me stupid questions, but no, she kept prying, so it was awkward.  Really these are terribly personal questions, not light grocery store banter, like the weather or the new Tom Cruise movie.  Look lady, I don't want to share those kind of personal details with you, cause I dont know you.  

I wonder if she is raising her naturally conceived children to be nosy too?