Just a little giggle

Just a little giggle

Adoption Options

Adoption Options

Previously I have discussed that if we were to do adoption, we would go down the domestic infant route.   After we had made this decision I started looking at our options as far as agencies, lawyers ect.  During my research I came across several ways a Domestic Infant Adoption can be performed.  Here they are:

1. You get an adoption lawyer and advertise independently.  This option is still done, but probably less so because it is the most risky financially.  Have you seen the movie Juno?  This is what they do in the movie.  So here is how it generally works (from what I understand)... You seek out an adoption lawyer, this person specializes in IN STATE adoptions and should know the system very well.  You should ask them how many adoptions they have completed and the length of time from hire to placement it took.  Also ask about all fees up front.  The next step is advertisement.  In Juno, they advertised in the Penny Saver.  The lawyer should have this down, they should know where to register your name and profile at to be open to adoption.  Also you would want to make your own profile website so that when a birthmother is found you can send her to your website.  This option is also good for those couples that are adopting from a family member or a friend of a friend.   The risky part is that your legal fees are upfront and for one adoption only.  So if the adoption falls through you are out that money.

2. Local agency:  I would say that this is the most popular route.  With this option you find an agency located within your county or state, that you can drive to.  These agencies specialize in "in state adoption".  Usually you would apply to the agency and wait to be accepted.  A lot of times they have a cap on how many parents they take a year, but I havent heard too many rejection stories.  You would then go through their process (most agencies are very similar)  and make an adoption profile.  This profile includes lots and lots of information about you, plus about what kind of baby and adoption you would like (see this post about different adoption sitiuations)  then you would wait to bee matched and wait for a baby.  These agencies would most likely do 30 or less adoptions a year, so their wait times very but you are looking about a year or so depending on your area, specifications and lots of other factors, but this is the general idea.

3. National agency:  This is becoming a more popular idea.  These agencies have a central location somewhere in the US.  Again, you apply to the agency You would then go through their process (most agencies are very similar)  and make an adoption profile.  This profile includes lots and lots of information about you, plus about what kind of baby and adoption you would like (see this post about different adoption situations)  then you would wait to bee matched and wait for a baby.  ..  the difference is that you can get a baby from any state.  Thus increasing your chances for a baby by a lot.. and decreasing your wait time.  These agencies do upwards of 300 adoptions a year. Wait times can be 2-18months but usually somewhere in 6 month range, again all depending on what type of adoption you are willing to take, the more open you are the shorter your wait time is. The drawback is that the headquarters are most likely not near you.   So most of contact with the adoption counselor is via phone or skype, but you will have a local social worker that does your homestudy and is very familiar with your state and your agency. Also if the child is outside the state when born, you must travel there and wait a week for interstate travel to be approved by courts.

We have chosen to go with option 3 national agency adoption because we are open to anywhere and like the idea of shorter wait times.

Busy

Busy

This past week I defended my thesis proposal.  It was a big day.  I passed!  So hopefully only 1.5 years til graduation.  Funny thing is that all I could think about was how I am one step closer to being ready for baby. I have another adoption post in the works, but with all of this school stuff it hasnt gotten finished.   So hopefully things will be back on schedule here soon.

Baby Name of the Month

Baby Name of the Month

Its that time of the month again.. Baby name of the month!!!

This month we are looking at a boy's name ( have you noticed I have been trying to go girl-boy-girl-boy)

Percy

(Purr-cee)

Percy is representative of two of my name obsessions.  Names starting with the letter P and mythology names.  Let me tell you, there are few names that start with the letter P that I don't love.. I have  relationship with the letter P, its weird, I know.. but there it is. Secondly I love mythology names, because they all have these awesome stories associated with them.. so lets get back to the name Percy

Percy is usually short for Percival or Perseus.  However I like Percy on its own.

Well do you know who Perseus is? He is a popular hero (son of a Zeus and a human) in greek mythology who killed Medusa.  Now how much more manly of a namesake can you have?  A hero and a slayer.

Other places you can find the name Percy are literary references out of two of my favorite series.  Percy can be seen in two characters in the Harry Potter series.  Percy is a Weasley brother. Percival is also one of Albus Dumbledoors middle names.   Second series would be Percy Jackson seires where the name is the main characters first name.. the books are about kid heros who are the kids of greek gods and they save the world.. its fun, kinda like Harry Potter, but with greek mythology.

While this name is a name that grandfathers have in the UK, it is highly unpopular in the US. In fact Percy, Percival and Perseus have never been in the US top 1000 names.  This makes me happy because he would defiantly be the only boy on the block with this name.   I think it is easy to spell and pronounce, but still is not a too out there name cause it is similar to Casey.

The downside to Percy.. Rich doesnt like the name.  So if I were naming a boy all on my own without the help of a husband, this name would probably be my first choice.

Personal Conversations with Strangers

Personal Conversations with Strangers

On Monday I had the fortune of having the day off, but the misfortune of having about a million errands to run, a house to clean and a sick husband.  I sucked it up, showered, started the laundry train, cleared the kitchen and the fridge for new groceries, made a meal menu and list then headed out to the great blue yonder.  Quick stop at Petsmart, was uneventful. Costco was packed, but I had the fortune of making jokes with my old college roommate via text to pass the time.  Then off to the regular grocery store, cause you cant buy everything in bulk, that would be stupid. Here I thought I was going to be in and out in 30 min and on my way home to unload all food and head out for another round of errands, nothing weird or eventful.  As I stood in the check out line looking at the cover stories of Kim Kardashian and Beyonce the lady in front of me was very obviously pregnant.  The checker lady just had to ask her about it.. things I learned about someone I dont even know.. She is having a boy, it is her 3rd and final child, it will be a scheduled c-section tomorrow, has had c-sections previously and cant imagine doing a vaginal birth, cant wait to get the baby out, husband couldn't leave the tv to do final grocery shopping before major surgery and new baby,  is not looking forward to sleepless nights again, she prefers an obgyn that is across the city because they are "clean" (whatever that means), and she has 20 cents in fuel perks saved on her store card.   Then she leaves.. and its my turn to check out.  The very over personal checker starts asking me questions, so here is how this very awkward conversation went, because I was not about to share as many personal details as the pregnant lady was..

Checker: Oh I miss being pregnant, it was so much fun feeling the baby move and getting to eat whatever I wanted

Me: ( polite smile and nod) Uh Huh

Checker: Have you ever been pregnant?

Me: Nope

Checker: Oh I see you are married, do you not want kids?

Me: yes we do

Checker: Oh, so are you newlyweds? Are you going to start trying for kids soon?

Me: No we have been married for 5 1/2 years (and now im trying to avoid you and your awkward questions by looking for my phone in my purse)

Checker: Oh wow so not newly weds (confusion starting on her face), so are you just waiting for the right time for kids.

Me: ( wishing I didnt do a weeks worth of grocery shopping and had less to check out, because I really want to leave) Um, something like that

Checker: (obviously not getting the hint that i dont want to talk about it) Oh well you shouldn't wait too long because you know it can get harder as you get older. How many kids do you want?

Me: ( furiously fiddling with my phone and pretending not to hear her) Um huh?

Checker: (still not getting the hint) Oh I was just wondering how many kids you want

Me: ( what the hell lady, cant you take a hint and just bag my groceries) "blank stare"

Checker: (finally done with my groceries) Oh did I scan your customer card

Me: Yes

then she gave me the total and I quickly punch in my debit card and got the heck out of dodge.

I didnt want to have a huge infertility discussion with the checker, so I tried to give her the hint to stop asking me stupid questions, but no, she kept prying, so it was awkward.  Really these are terribly personal questions, not light grocery store banter, like the weather or the new Tom Cruise movie.  Look lady, I don't want to share those kind of personal details with you, cause I dont know you.  

I wonder if she is raising her naturally conceived children to be nosy too?

Failure in many forms

Failure in many forms

For those of you not doing a science graduate degree (I am assuming most of you) let me tell you a little secret about it... when you apply they are not really looking for super smart people, or those with the top grades (of course it helps to have awesome grades) but they are looking for people who know how to fail and get back up.   That's right, once you have gotten through the application process and have been selected for an interview.. the only thing they want to know is can you handle the defeat.  That's what science research is, a never ending revolving door of failed experiments.  So they want to make sure you can handle it.  Day in and day out are you prepared to go from being a successful student to being an utter failure in the lab for 5 years.  Since I am in my 4 year of graduate school, I would say that they were confident that I could handle this type of  stress.  I will say that, they were mostly right.  I have not given in yet, and some experiments have finally worked.  I will inevitably graduate one day.   I am coming up on one of the big graduate school mile stones and it has gotten me reminiscing about all of the failure up until this point.  The days and nights spent pondering questions and hammering  out data. The tears and the screams of unknown origin, the loss of sleep and the new wrinkles and bags under my eyes.

 And then I thought to myself.. "self, will I be able to handle failure in the next big step of life? Pregnancy?"

I then wondered to myself, how come there isnt a major interview process for those trying to get pregnant with PCOS, to warn against the upcoming trials and disappointments. An interview of sorts to make sure you can handle the never ending revolving door of failed conception.

In the near future I will become my own science experiment, testing temperatures, vaginal mucus, counting days to determine what is my most fertile time period, or if I even have a fertile time period.  I keep feeling unprepared for what the future holds.  How is it that the whole world seems to effortlessly go through this pregnancy process without interviews and classes and preparation.  I feel like I have been prepping for years and am still under prepared.

 I have a full plan, and back up plans... but can I handle the defeat when it comes?