Failure in many forms

Failure in many forms

For those of you not doing a science graduate degree (I am assuming most of you) let me tell you a little secret about it... when you apply they are not really looking for super smart people, or those with the top grades (of course it helps to have awesome grades) but they are looking for people who know how to fail and get back up.   That's right, once you have gotten through the application process and have been selected for an interview.. the only thing they want to know is can you handle the defeat.  That's what science research is, a never ending revolving door of failed experiments.  So they want to make sure you can handle it.  Day in and day out are you prepared to go from being a successful student to being an utter failure in the lab for 5 years.  Since I am in my 4 year of graduate school, I would say that they were confident that I could handle this type of  stress.  I will say that, they were mostly right.  I have not given in yet, and some experiments have finally worked.  I will inevitably graduate one day.   I am coming up on one of the big graduate school mile stones and it has gotten me reminiscing about all of the failure up until this point.  The days and nights spent pondering questions and hammering  out data. The tears and the screams of unknown origin, the loss of sleep and the new wrinkles and bags under my eyes.

 And then I thought to myself.. "self, will I be able to handle failure in the next big step of life? Pregnancy?"

I then wondered to myself, how come there isnt a major interview process for those trying to get pregnant with PCOS, to warn against the upcoming trials and disappointments. An interview of sorts to make sure you can handle the never ending revolving door of failed conception.

In the near future I will become my own science experiment, testing temperatures, vaginal mucus, counting days to determine what is my most fertile time period, or if I even have a fertile time period.  I keep feeling unprepared for what the future holds.  How is it that the whole world seems to effortlessly go through this pregnancy process without interviews and classes and preparation.  I feel like I have been prepping for years and am still under prepared.

 I have a full plan, and back up plans... but can I handle the defeat when it comes?